residence halls response

In the essay "residence halls," the author has many good points, but shows a bias that weakens her point a bit. In the writer's memo, Kelley McCormick states how she is analyzing a piece of visual rhetoric in the form of a campus housing brochure. From the first sentence, the writer shows her dislike for living in the residence halls and her aversion to her roommate(s). She then goes on to list the various points in the brochure that are misleading. If her goal with the essay was to persuade the reader to agree with her on her negative opinion, she somewhat accomplishes the goal. Yes, she does prove that there are problems living in a residence hall, but by starting out with her bias, the reader expects to be persuaded that residence halls are bad. By giving the spin of her essay away from the first sentence and then voicing it so strongly with her 'bad experience' she is no longer taking a third party approach to the subject. If she were to take such a third party approach, her argument would be exponentially stronger. 

The analysis she uses and backs up, would suffice to convince many of her overall argument. However, she laces her analysis with a lot of personal experience that diminishes the reliability of her support. Specifically, when she is taking about the inaccuracy of the residence halls being close to classes, I disagree with both her and her argument. She claims that a fifteen to twenty minute walk is unreasonable, but I can't help to think of the opposite side. To get from one building to another depends on how far you are from your destination as well as the speed you walk. I have a friend who can walk from Emerson to McGuffey in about twelve minutes, which is much faster than I walk. (To get to McGuffey from the same building would probably take me about seventeen minutes). Additionally, if a student lived off-campus in an apartment, then they would either have to have a car to get to class (which would then bring up the issue of finding parking spaces) or they would have to take the bus. Unless, of course they wanted to walk about thirty minutes to class. Trying to find parking or waiting to catch a bus could make the time getting to class far longer than fifteen to twenty minutes. Also, I simply disagree with her that fifteen minutes is a long walk; it took me about the same time to walk to work back home, which was very reasonable. 

She then goes on to mention that having your room "personalized" could mean anywhere. She has an accurate point, but that doesn't mean that the brochure was being misleading. She then plugs in a personal story that just shows another one of her negative experiences that is very specific and most likely would not have the same degree of negativity for most people that she holds to it. Finally, she has a major flaw in her closing paragraph. She states that the brochure did not persuade her to want to move-in to a residence hall, but she would do it anyway, because she has "absolutely no other option." With that statement, she completely demolishes any chance her essay had for persuasion, because she didn't even persuade herself. And on top of that, her last sentence states "don't judge me," which is a childish way of closing out an essay. There is no reason for that statement as all it does is hinder her argument, rather than add to it. 

Overall, the writer's essay could be very effective if she leaves out a bit of her own negative personal experience. Her argument is strong based on the facts, but then takes a childish turn towards the ending. Her final sentence is simply atrocious and needs cut from the essay immediately, because it diminishes her credibility and would cause a reader to dismiss what she goes on about for about five pages.